I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
