i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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