The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He? As in you personified your dick?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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