Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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