You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
