I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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