I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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