Swine flu. Run for my life!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
