I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
