yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
