Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
