We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
