i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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