I must be too annoying 4 u.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
