ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
