I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
