the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
