Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
