Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
