Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
