i permit you to call me
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
