she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
