the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
