So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
