i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
