oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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