You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
