U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
