And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
