We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
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