You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
