god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
