Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
