There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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