Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
