He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
