My brain says no but my pants say off.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
