Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
