If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
