Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
