It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
