sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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