Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
