Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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