the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
