considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
