the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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