I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
