my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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