whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
