This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
